shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
