I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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