drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The air was thick with penises
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
