So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
