Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
