i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
