its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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