LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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