guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
