I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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