guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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