that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
