last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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