remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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