I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
