I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
