I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
