don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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