Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
