She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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