I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
