Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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