I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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