Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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