dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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