Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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