For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
