I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
