can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
