So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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