Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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