guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Shame is for Republicans.
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