Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
