Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
