yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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