I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
