i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
