EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize