How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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