white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
