Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
