I could have mohawked her pubes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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