today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
