You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Congratulations! We have a period
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