Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
