**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
