This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
