I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
