just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
