she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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