he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
