Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
