I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
