i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
