Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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