I just saw a hot homeless man
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
nutella sex= disaster
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
