I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
