Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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