omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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