I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
