So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
